The Day I Died

The was a faint, distant sound, beautifully haunting, and irresistibly intriguing. My next realization was that the voice was calling to me, calling my name. It got louder, and I began to sense an urgency to it. I was deep in euphoria, as if my entire being were tingling with delight. I felt like a happy puppy that was just waking up. I've never felt so wonderful in all of my life. A warm glow was spreading across me, and I recognized that the beautiful voice calling to me was my love Laura. I slowly opened my eyes, and found that I was laying on the bed, with Laura standing over me. I felt like I was a perfect smile. Right about then, the changes starting coming hard and fast. Laura was very upset. Why was I laying on the bed? I began to feel sick. Very sick.

20 minutes later I was laying in an ambulance in my driveway. The First Responders had been unable to get their gurney down the narrow hall to my bedroom. Somehow I walked out to the gurney, and moments later they had me loaded up. Then came the longest 5 minutes of my life. They had a plethora of things to hook me up to before a determination could be made to transport me to the hospital. Meanwhile, I'm quietly pleading "Please, let's go. Please, can we go now. I'm really having a heart attack, and I need to go." The crew politely ignored me and went about their business. Once they got their EKG results, their mood changed. We left for the hospital immediately. It was 40 miles away, and a lot of those miles were down a dangerous mountain highway.

There was nothing that I could do, except to just lay still and have a heart attack. Surprisingly, there was a clock on the wall, and I tried to focus on that. Two First Responders were working feverishly. One of them was speaking to the Emergency Room at the hospital. His voice squeaked a little and went up and octave as he proclaimed "He's elevated everywhere!" I felt great compassion for these two men who were trying to save my life. I asked aloud "So how is it looking fellows? How am I doing?" My query was intended to give them a small distraction, as well as to get myself a little encouragement. The answer that I received was not the one I was hoping for. "We're doing our best to get you to the hospital as fast as we can." I tried a couple of more times, and the reply was the same. They weren't about to sugarcoat things for me, and this frightened me. Could this be the end for me? My life didn't flash before my eyes. I didn't think about my loved ones. I thought about that damn clock on the wall. I tried to speculate on exactly where we might be, given the feel of the curves, and how far we still were from the hospital. I noticed that the 2 men with me were both sweating profusely. They were afraid of losing a patient, and I was afraid for them. One of them was struggling to get an IV into my arm. The curvy road and fast driving made such a job almost impossible. On his sixth attempt, he was finally able to make a solid connection with one of my veins. Moments later a sharp curve led to the needle being pulled from my arm. The Tech became quite visibly upset, and I sought to comfort him. "Are you doing okay?" I asked. He said that he was just frustrated. I assured him that I understood, and that he should keep trying, that we would all get through this soon.

A while later I was informed that we had reached the Interstate. Not too long after that the crew happily let me know that we were arriving at the hospital. They were smiling as I was being unloaded. I was having a massive heart attack, so I don't recall smiling much. A surprisingly large group of medical professionals at the hospital seemed to be eagerly awaiting my arrival. I remember trying to answer a few questions as I was rolled right through the E.R. Seconds later I was being moved under a lot of machinery, and there was another good sized group of folks waiting there for me. A nice man introduced himself as my cardiologist, and he said that they were going to fix me. Finally, an encouraging word! This doctor immediately became my hero. I'm not sure how long I was in that cath lab, but the next thing I knew I was being told that they were all done with me, and I was being rolled out of the room. I was informed that I now had 3 new stents, to go along with the one that I had from a previous heart attack 17 years earlier.

Soon I was in a nice, private hospital room, and I was told that I would likely be released the following day. Oddly enough, the Dr. had informed me that the heart attack didn't do any damage to my heart, though he also described the heart attack as massive. This was a bit puzzling. I spent a long, lonely night in the critical care ward. Interestingly enough, several times during the night hospital employees stopped by my room to tell me that they had seen my EKG, and they just wanted to meet me and wish me the best. Several days later, during a visit with my primary care provider, he mentioned that he had seen my EKG. His comment was "you hear about these things in school, but you don't think that you'll ever actually get to see one." Apparently I had a myocardial infarction of epic proportions. My cardiologist calls me a miracle.

Obviously, such an occurrence can have a major impact on a person's life. One year later, and 2 months after having a hip replaced, I'm back to walking 10+ miles a day, and I feel great about that. More importantly though, the experience helped me to focus on the important things in my life. I've become a much more patient person, a happier person, gentler, humbler. I remain a very broken person emotionally, but serving the cause of love has given me purpose, a purpose that I'd been searching for all of my life. This has been, by far, the most wonderful year of my life. I'm eager to continue healing, and for whatever may come next. Thanks for reading.